


Forgiving the Unforgivable

by Forgotten_Blossom



Category: Fate/Grand Order
Genre: F/F, Happy Ending, Mild Self-Hatred, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Self-Blame, mainly fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-21 01:36:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17633600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forgotten_Blossom/pseuds/Forgotten_Blossom
Summary: Chaldea has seen many casters through the Grand Order. However, one remains hidden away.





	Forgiving the Unforgivable

Morgan had decided that she would never be summoned to Chaldea. For her, Merlin’s equal in magecraft, this was an easy feat. Watching from her small island in Avalon was enough. Most of the time at least.

After all of her scheming and plotting, perhaps she believed that this was atonement. Deep down though, even she knew this was not the reason. The real reason was rooted much farther in her past, before Camlann, before Mordred, before that night. The real reason that she would never come to Chaldea lay buried on a sunlit hill in her past. She did not know if she would be able to face Artoria and beg her to even listen to her apology. So she remained in Avalon, stuck beyond the reaches of time.

Back then both Morgan and Artoria would play together in a stream by Sir Ector’s castle. They rarely saw each other, but every now and then Morgan was allowed to visit her sister. However, Artoria never seemed to be allowed outside the castle, even during Morgan’s rare visits. So Morgan would sneak her out and they would play until the guards found them or it was too dark to continue. When they came back there was always a severe scolding. The girls would stand together and take the punishment, waiting patiently through yet another lecture on proper behaviour. In the end they were always separated, Morgan sent back home and Artoria sent to her small room. But even as Artoria walked away, she would always look back and smile that brilliant smile of hers. It would be a long time before Morgan would understand why her heart beat a little faster when she saw that smile.

Stroking the crystal in her hands, Morgan gazed at the scene before her. Mordred, her silly child, was holding hands and walking with Victor Frankenstein's creation. She was smiling and laughing without a care in the world. Morgan felt her heart tighten. Even though Mordred had only been a tool for her, it still hurt that Mordred would never regard Morgan as her mother. Morgan knew she had long lost that privilege. Sighing, Morgan continued to watch, flashes of pain and joy crossing her eyes. As she watched, her expression stiffened. Artoria. The lancer had found Mordred and that Berserker. She looked cross, scolding them for whatever silly reason. Morgan, however, could see the fondness in her actions. Artoria approved of the blossoming relationship between the two. She was happy for her son. Morgan knew this. Morgan had always been by Artoria’s side after all.

That day, she had not been able to find Artoria. She searched around trying to find her, but to no avail. Eventually a servant told Morgan that Artoria had gone to the woods. Morgan tracked her using the new magic she had been learning, hoping to catch Artoria before the sun set. Stepping from the woods she saw Artoria standing in front of a large stone with a sword stuck through it. By her stood the mage Merlin. Morgan halted, some instinctual thought preventing her from moving forward, instead ducking behind a tree and watching in silence. For several moments of her own ragged breath were all Morgan could here, but then she heard Merlin warn Artoria “becoming a king means no longer being human.” At those words, Morgan froze, her entire body stiff with shock. Morgan could practically here herself screaming “No!” as the thought echoed around her mind. “Don’t do it! Don’t turn away from yourself!” But still the young girl on that hill responded, reaching towards the sword placed in front of her. “If it means making people happy then I am sure it is not a wrong decision.” Turning around and running, Artoria’s response echoed in Morgan’s ears, each reverberation causing sadness to grow in her heart. As she ran, Artoria removed the sword, her silhouette framed in the orange of the setting sun. It would be many years before they would see each other again.

Morgan shook herself from her reverie, turning back to the crystal. Watching the scene if front of her, Mordred and Artoria looking as if they were about rip each other to shreds and Frankenstein trying to hold Mordred back, Morgan felt something rolling down her cheek. She simply choose to ignore it though. She had already made her decision.

When they finally met each other again, they were both women. No vestige of the happy girls who had played together remained. Nonetheless, Morgan had waited to see Artoria, the girl she loved, for forever. For a period she had tried to prevent Artoria’s rising to kinghood, even going so far as to trick the girl out of Caliburn. Now, however she knew she could not do anything to stop Artoria’s rise. The fright she had felt that day had passed. Only anticipation to greet the king remained. However when Morgan came before Artoria, she saw reflected in the king’s eyes a void. No emotion, no feeling. That beautiful, brilliant smile was gone. Morgan realized that Artoria was long gone. Only King Arthur remained. 

Even so, Morgan resolved to watch over her king quietly from the side, protecting the one she loved any way she could. However, as she watched Artoria take Guinevere as a wife from necessity, throwing away emotion for the sake of her ungrateful people Morgan discovered a frustration in herself. Unable to watch, help, or comfort her only love, Morgan’s frustration grew. So she stole into the king’s room one night under the guise of Guinevere. They lay together that night. As Morgan lay in Artoria’s arms, safe and secure, she looked with a hint of longing into Artoria’s eyes. But instead of the emotionless gaze she had become accustomed to, she discovered a gaze of love. Not for her. For Guinevere. The girl she had impersonated. A mix of emotions began swirling inside her, battling for dominance. Sadness, anger, happiness, resignation struggled intensely for several moments. In the end anger won. This was the start of the fall of Camelot.

Morgan stood above Artoria, a mirror of that night, but tonight she was herself. Quietly she sat down of the end of Artoria’s bed. Though she would not allow herself to be summoned to Chaldea, when she was particularly sad and lonely, she would visit like this. In the night, when she could talk quietly to Artoria. To apologize in the way she had been unable to in Artoria’s lifetime. Morgan would never let herself get too near, only sitting by the feet of her king. Tonight however, perhaps because of the earlier scene of joy she had witnessed, Morgan lay down beside Artoria. Looking at the face that she had not seen up close for so long, Morgan almost began to cry.

“I’m so sorry, for everything.”

Tears began rolling down her cheeks.

“For hurting you, for hurting her, for hurting our son, for hurting your beloved kingdom.”

The tears continued to stream down her cheeks, tapping on the sheets below.

“And I’m sorry for impersonating the one you loved, just to satisfy my own selfish desire to be with you. I’m so sorry.”

Quietly Morgan began to sob. Remembering that battlefield, the corpse of a son she had forgotten to love placed beside the bleeding body of the girl she had refused to love, their blood lost in the red of the dusk, she felt the pain she experienced at Camlann stab into her again. Calming herself she remembered where she was. She was not at the cursed field, but in Chaldea. The one place she could never stay for long. Yes, it was time to go.

Starting to push herself off the bed, she was jerked violently back down. Panicking for a moment, Morgan realized that Artoria had grabbed her, pulling her into a tight embrace. Morgan’s brain went blank, no words coming out of her mouth, only a small squeak of surprise. Held tightly in those arms, all she could do was struggle, trying to free herself from the lancer.

“I forgive you”

A voice rang out softly beside Morgan’s ear. Startled, Morgan paused briefly in her struggle. Then, realizing what the girl had whispered to her, Morgan’s attempts to free herself became even more frenzied.

“No, no, no!!” Morgan almost yelled. “You can’t, you can’t, you can’t! You can’t forgive me. Not me. Everyone else, but not me!”

The girl was by now in a frenzy, wailing away on the stoic lancer who continued to hold her despite the many attempts the girl was making to break away. Suddenly Artoria pulled slightly away, then moved back in as she kissed Morgan. The caster’s attacks subsided as the surprise in her eyes faded away, unknowingly falling into the kiss as she forgot everything. All the pain, all the anger, all the sadness fell away, just for a moment. Then Artoria pulled away again and it all came crashing back. Tears began to fall down Morgan’s face again.

“Why?” The caster managed.

The lancer simply looked at her, her eyes an unreadable mix of emotions. After a few seconds the lancer spoke.

“My dear sister, your illusions have never worked on me.”

Morgan’s eyes widened. Quickly she spoke, almost as though she was afraid the words just spoken would fade away into falsehood.

“Then you mea-”

“That night,” Artoria interrupted, “I was so happy you came to me. I had resigned myself to the fate of a king, happily throwing away my feelings, my friends, and my family for that cause. I never felt I made the wrong decision, but all those years you were the only thing I regretted giving up to become king. So when I thought we could be as close as we had been, I could barely contain myself. But you never spoke of it.”

By this point Morgan had gone limp, shocked at the words coming from her sister’s mouth. Artoria pulled her closer to herself, her action full of tenderness.

“I realized much later, that everything was my fault. I had pushed you away by taking up the mantle of a king. I had made you hate me.”

Morgan heard Artoria’s voice tremble ever so slightly. Though she could not see the girl’s face, Morgan knew that there was probably an expression of pain on it. Morgan felt a desire she had not felt in a long time. The desire to comfort the girl in front of her, and shield Artoria from the pain she was feeling, to hold her close and comfort her.

“I say that I forgive you, but really I want to ask you for your forgiveness. I made you do everything you did. I made you hate so much. Please, forgive me.” Artoria asked, her voice nearly breaking with sadness as she spoke.

Morgan didn’t know what to do as her emotions whirled around. She did not believe that she should give forgiveness to someone who did not need it, to someone who Morgan herself needed forgiveness from so desperately. For a moment, Morgan could not make sense of all the emotions and thoughts rushing through her head. But as she lay struggling to make sense of everything that had just happened, a calm suddenly pervaded her mind. She snuggled into Artoria’s embrace.

“Yes, yes,” the caster whispered through her tears. “I forgive you, but only if you can forgive me as well.”

The lancer did not respond. But eventually Morgan felt Artoria nod. Morgan finally stopped crying and smiled, a completely relaxed smile, wrapping her arms around Artoria and returning the girl’s embrace. The two of them stayed that way, each holding the other in their arms, until they fell asleep.

The next morning, Artoria woke up and looked beside her at an empty bed. She had expected this. Every time Morgan came to visit, she left before the morning. Though last night had been miles different from Morgan’s normal observance from the bottom of the bed, Artoria had still expected her departure. Artoria was simply happy that after so many years, they had finally worked through all the misunderstandings and affirmed their feelings. Even if that was that was the last time she would see Morgan, Artoria was still happy at the resolution. Smiling Artoria whispered, “Come back anytime.” She knew that even in Avalon, Morgan could still hear her. Artoria then dressed quickly and went to breakfast.

In the cafeteria, Gudako was causing a ruckus as normal.

“YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!! MERLIN RATE UP!!!!!! I’M GOING TO ROLL TILL I DROP!!!!!!” 

Artoria paid little attention, as she began her breakfast. She would not be concerned unless Merlin actually showed up. As she ate she heard Gudako rolling in the next room. Sounds of excitement and disappointment echoed through the cafeteria. 

“LAST SUMMON, COME ONNNNNNNNNN!!!!!! HERE WE GOOOOOO!!!!!!” Suddenly, “RAINBOW ORBS!!!!! COME ON MERLIN!!!!!” 

The lancer quickly stood plate clattering to the floor. Was Merlin really about to arrive? Not on her watch! Rushing to the summoning room Gudako continued to scream 

“GOLDEN CASTER CARD, GOLDEN CASTER CARD!!!!!! IT’S REALLY MERLIN!!!!” 

Artoria’s pace quickened Rhongomyniad in hand. Suddenly, Gudako’s shouts stopped, replaced with a stunned silence, while Artoria stormed into the room. Looking at the summoning circle, Artoria saw a familiar figure, dressed in an all black outfit, red tattoos spanning her chest, and a crown on her head,.

“Hello Master. I am the traitorous witch Morgan Le Fay.”

As she spoke, the girl turned towards the lancer whose face lit up with a brilliant smile. Morgan’s heart thumped a little faster.

“I will be making use of your accommodations for a while.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! I hope you enjoyed!  
> Just a few notes. In the most popular version of Arthurian legend, Morgan and Arthur reconcile before he is killed at Camlann. This was the basic inspiration for this work, as well as just a desire to have a more fluffy relationship between the two. If you are wondering why Morgan is in Avalon, the version of Arthurian legend that I mentioned does place her in Avalon. Anyway, I tried my best to fit this into to Fate lore while still telling the story I wanted to. I hope it turned out alright.   
> Thank you very much for reading!


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